@AndSmelly
Here we are again, June 17th. This was the date in 2019 that boy3 was scheduled to be born by caesarean section. So even though it's four and a half months after his actual birthday, today remains an unforgettable date for us. We've just made it through another holiday where we seemed to be surrounded… Continue reading Another year passed
Trigger warning: miscarriage I feel like I'm treading water in my grief. I know we don't always have to be moving forwards, that backwards is OK too. Maybe it's not even like I'm treading water because that's an active attempt to keep afloat. I'm rather effortlessly and aimlessly drifting. I don't know where I am… Continue reading Waves of grief
I'll be honest, not much has changed for me in terms of my reaction to Baby Loss Awareness week since last year. I'm not going to be active on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram talking about miscarriage and baby loss. All I want to say on social media is that I don't want to.... https://www.facebook.com/andsmellysocks/posts/406351987805420… Continue reading BLAW: What does coping look like?
2019 has been a rollercoaster. So we're not making big plans for 2020. Its been a big year, we started off expecting a surprise third baby - buying maternity clothes in the sales and planning a new car big enough for three seats. By the end of January that was all over, disastrous and heartbreaking.… Continue reading Here comes 2020
On 31st January 2019 our third son was born sleeping at almost 20 weeks gestation. Those are the hard facts, cold and unemotional. The three days before were spent in hospital desperately hoping that the next option offered by a wonderful team of doctors and midwives would be the one to keep him inside and… Continue reading Recovery after loss
Today I was surprised. It was the result of my own biases and stereotypes and I hope I will learn to be more aware of my potential to make assumptions about people as a result. Joiners Sounds a bit of a random jump to make, right? Hear me out its not that complicated really. Today… Continue reading Gentleness in surprising places
Today someone I follow on Twitter (https://mrshsfavouritethings.com/ Lucy) shared this: http://mummyintraining.co.uk/2018/01/dont-scared-baby-loss-mama/ It got me thinking about how people have been with me through our losses (we've had three, most recently at 20 weeks in January 2019, plus large boy is nearly 8 and small is 4). Tears The friend who heard that boy3 had been… Continue reading Reaction to loss: It takes all sorts
It's baby loss awareness week. In some ways I feel I ought to be telling my story. But I'm not ready yet and the one very important thing to remember when dealing with loss (of any kind) is not to rush yourself. So I'm going to wait until I am ready. Instead, I want to… Continue reading Phantom kicks
Today should have been C day number 3. It's not, boy 3 and his placenta got poorly in January 2019 and he was born sleeping just before 20 weeks. Am I ok? Well yes and no. To the casual enquirer or gossip or colleague: yes. To most of my friends who ask every couple of… Continue reading C Day
Smelly Socks and Garden Peas 
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