Himself at 40

The last couple of birthdays for the boys I’ve written a post about who they are and how they’ve grown and changed.

Himself has just faced a big birthday, so I figured I’d give him a similar treatment. He probably won’t like that because I’m likely to get soppy and write nice things about him.

All About Us

Himself and I met over 17 years ago, starting going out about six months later and we’ve been firmly attached ever since. We were students; enjoying a student life of beer, pub quizzes, late nights and junk food while we studied for our PhDs. Friends got into and out of relationships, there was emotional turmoil and there were a few broken hearts, but somehow we were steadfast together. You could say we were like two bits of a jigsaw that just fit together – we’re different but we join together to complete a puzzle and the pictures match.

I could tell loads of stories about the things we did together that just felt right, but the biggest sign (for me at least) that we made a solid pair was when he taught me how to argue. Sounds a bit weird I guess. But here’s the thing, with any previous boyfriends when there had been an argument it was a complete blow up and a break up. With himself, we got into an argument about renting a house or flat together and we just disagreed about what would be suitable. We yelled at each other and I was sure he’d walk, when he realised what was worrying me he sat me down, reassured me and reminded me that honesty is the only way to work together. In that moment, I knew that what we had together was more than being in love, more than shared experiences, more than similar music tastes. What we had was mutual respect, to the extent that we want to know what the other is feeling and thinking more than we care if that differs from our own individual thoughts and emotions. So long as we know where we stand with each other, we can yell and disagree and pull in different directions, but eventually we’ll always come to an agreement.

That honesty and straightforward approach to everything is one of the things I love best about himself. He doesn’t mess around, he doesn’t play mind games, he just says what he thinks and that’s how it is.

We’ve been through plenty of rough situations – from writing up our theses at the same time, to living apart during the week for 6 months when large boy was two, himself coming to terms with needing to leave a very unhappy job, and three pregnancies that didn’t give us babies to bring home. All through all those things, we’ve stuck together, we’re stronger together. That’s not some sort of rose tinted, sentimental, nostalgic exaggeration. We really are like a pair of buttresses – supporting each other because we lean on one another.

What else can I say about himself? He’s just wonderful. He makes me laugh everyday, he’s a Scalextric addict, he’s currently watching his way through every American Pickers ever made (leaving me very glad we don’t have any outbuildings for him to fill up), he’d drink Irn Bru dry given the opportunity, he’s a fun and encouraging dad to our boys, he’s a passionate scientist, he’s a petrol-head, after 17 years the magic in the bedroom is still running at full power and his modesty is beyond compare.

I’m just brilliant.

Himself’s self description and his only contribution to this post

Lockdown Birthday

So we’re both turning 40 this year. We had this plan in the before-times – a big party. A village hall with a ceilidh band, some food on a buffet and our local tiny bar providing their lovely drinks. Essentially, a re-run of our wedding. We would invite friends from near and far, family, colleagues, and just fill the hall with laughter, music, and dancing.

Well that hasn’t happened and we can’t even get close to it. My offers of virtual parties or a couple of friends in the garden have been met without enthusiasm so I’ve done my best to make this Easter break from work special. We’ve had a delivery of lorne sausage, haggis slices, fillet steaks, and Irn Bru sausages to provide treats through the week. He’s had free rein to buy all the Scalextric he wants for the last month and I’ve got a box full of goodies for him to open. The boys had a very specific gift they wanted to get him, so that’s in there. The last part of his 40th presents will be a PlayStation 5 – when we can get hold of one!

That’s all I can say really, except for:

Happy Birthday my love, here’s to the next 40 years and the adventures ahead.

from Smell xx