Facebook tag, exclusion

Unintended exclusion hurts too

There’s this Facebook status doing the rounds at the moment.

Its claiming to be kind and supportive and fun. But I think it’s also attention seeking and hurtful. Sure “if I didn’t tag you, please, no offence” – but that makes it my fault if I’m hurt because you excluded me.

“I tried to choose people I thought would make this challenge fun!” – oh so I’m not a fun person then?

The first couple I saw, I wasn’t bothered. Then an ex-colleague of my husband’s tagged me and I was getting round to doing one too. Only in the meantime, a load of people I thought were more than acquaintances did them and no one else tagged me.

  • The mum who held me when I surprised myself and cried on small boy’s first day of school? No
  • The mum whose boys I gave lifts to last summer for holiday club? No
  • The lady from school club who I talk to every single week day? No
  • The best friend from school? No
  • The nursery mum who borrowed my maternity clothes? No

So apparently those people, who all know what a shitty year 2019 was for me, don’t think I need building up or supporting. They’ve selected their friends, scrolled past my name in their list. This isn’t a positive thing to do.

Sure no one’s explicitly being unkind, but they’re unintentionally excluding me and many others. I feel ignored, overlooked, forgotten, unimportant, dismissed, irrelevant, invisible. I’m sure it hasn’t even crossed those peoples’ minds that I would notice they didn’t tag me, let alone be hurt by it. Somehow that makes it even worse. Does that make me needy? I don’t even know.

Words are meaningless if they aren’t backed by actions. Saying you’re supporting this long list of women isn’t the same thing as actually supporting them. I know some of them bitch about each other all the time, but they’re expressing something different. I doubt some Facebook status is going to make them change their behaviour.

So think before you re-post this status. Please. Someone might be fragile and end up hurt without you realizing it. Maybe instead put those words into action and really support people, don’t just say that you do.

12 thoughts on “Unintended exclusion hurts too”

  1. This is why I never join in. I was tagged so many times and even though I am having a break from social media, I am still being tagged. I never take part because as much as anything else, I find the notifications really annoying and I don’t want to be the cause of someone elses annoyance.

    Facebook has its place and I am sure no harm is meant but it can feel like a real kick in the teeth at times x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ohhhhh dear. Facebook is shite and people are shite on Facebook. It seems to be an alternate reality where they say and do things that they would never do in real life. I dislike it so much yet this time round (I got off it for two years) I’m using it to put myself out there, grow a thicker skin and find other bloggers. Are we connected on Facebook? Also Jimoin videos are very funny – he is good to follow

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I keep Facebook personal and Twitter/blog/insta anonymous. I don’t think these people were actually less interactive with me on Facebook than they are in real life. Which made me question how they are with me face to face. If I ever create a blog Facebook I will definitely connect with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lovely – it’s just a page you create and then you keep going along as normal. You can keep it anonymous just don’t invite anyone you know or know but don’t want to know if you know what I mean – Hahahaha but I don’t want to seem like a know it all….stopping 😄

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is why I don’t join in with these as I’d hate to miss someone out. I say thank you, but I don’t share. I prefer to check in on people, those who might be needing a hug even a virtual one. I overthink things and this would make me do that. Big hugs and know I’m always here xx

    Liked by 1 person

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