There’s this Facebook status doing the rounds at the moment.
Its claiming to be kind and supportive and fun. But I think it’s also attention seeking and hurtful. Sure “if I didn’t tag you, please, no offence” – but that makes it my fault if I’m hurt because you excluded me.
“I tried to choose people I thought would make this challenge fun!” – oh so I’m not a fun person then?
The first couple I saw, I wasn’t bothered. Then an ex-colleague of my husband’s tagged me and I was getting round to doing one too. Only in the meantime, a load of people I thought were more than acquaintances did them and no one else tagged me.
- The mum who held me when I surprised myself and cried on small boy’s first day of school? No
- The mum whose boys I gave lifts to last summer for holiday club? No
- The lady from school club who I talk to every single week day? No
- The best friend from school? No
- The nursery mum who borrowed my maternity clothes? No
So apparently those people, who all know what a shitty year 2019 was for me, don’t think I need building up or supporting. They’ve selected their friends, scrolled past my name in their list. This isn’t a positive thing to do.
Sure no one’s explicitly being unkind, but they’re unintentionally excluding me and many others. I feel ignored, overlooked, forgotten, unimportant, dismissed, irrelevant, invisible. I’m sure it hasn’t even crossed those peoples’ minds that I would notice they didn’t tag me, let alone be hurt by it. Somehow that makes it even worse. Does that make me needy? I don’t even know.
Words are meaningless if they aren’t backed by actions. Saying you’re supporting this long list of women isn’t the same thing as actually supporting them. I know some of them bitch about each other all the time, but they’re expressing something different. I doubt some Facebook status is going to make them change their behaviour.
So think before you re-post this status. Please. Someone might be fragile and end up hurt without you realizing it. Maybe instead put those words into action and really support people, don’t just say that you do.