Dear Baby Boy3

Dear little man. I’m so sorry you aren’t here, it’s your first birthday today. I’ve been dreading today for months, but maybe it doesn’t need to be horrid. Maybe we can think of the wonderful family you have, that you’ll always be part of.

We didn’t get to hold you or love you or bring you home. Your brothers never met you. None of us know who you would have become. But we all still love you very much. Your brothers felt you kick inside me, they know you felt their hands when you kicked. They would have made amazing big brothers.

Daddy and I would have been exhausted and stretched, but we would have preferred that to having your birthday without you. We all wish you were here; gurgling, maybe trying to toddle, causing mayhem and laughter just like your brothers did.

Your family misses you. You’re a hole where there should be a son and sibling. But that hole reminds us how lucky we are to have each other. You’ll always be part of our family, your absence reflecting our presence.

We wish that you and I hadn’t been poorly. We wish you’d stayed inside just a few more weeks, 20 wasn’t enough. We wish you were here.

So on your birthday we’re thinking of you and how much love we were ready to share with you – we’re spreading it out between us but always keeping some for you too.

Little man, we love you. Happy birthday.

From Mummy, Daddy, Large Boy and Small Boy xxxx